Quiz time! What do people do when they get angry? They raise their voices and shout! Couples who have many relationship problems often shout at each other on a daily basis. On the other hand, couples who are deeply in love rarely shout and are more likely to whisper sweet nothings into each other’s ears, even when trouble arises.
So why is this? Why does one couple shout and another couple whisper?
A very wise man in India was once asked this question. His response? “When you are angry with someone, your heart is very distant from theirs. So you subconsciously shout so they can hear you. Lovers, however, are so in love that their hearts are so close all they need to do is whisper.”
Kind of a cool way of explaining it, right? And it makes a lot of sense.
So how can we apply that to a breakup? It’s simple really. If your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you, shouting and screaming to get your point across isn’t going to help the situation. It might feel good in the heat of the moment, but it solves absolutely nothing.
If you want to get your ex back, you need space. You need time. You need to take a break from each other and let the fizz at the top of the soda cup settle down before it runs over the edge.
When couples break up, there’s always a reason. Your ex may or may not make that reason clear, but there’s always a reason. Many times, that reason is because one partner is upset with something the other is doing. Maybe they’re rude, lazy, inconsiderate, unsupportive, don’t validate each other’s feelings, hot tempered, crazy jealous, a cheater, or just plain mean. The list of possibilities is endless.
When it comes to knowing what to say to an ex you want back, the reason doesn’t really matter that much. What matters is your partner felt hurt by something you were doing in the relationship. Or they felt like their needs weren’t being met.
So you need to validate those feelings without looking needy or desperate. You need to console and comfort them and reassure them. They need to know their heart is safe with you.
It’s a balancing act. It’s just like walking a tightrope. Your speech and actions must be balanced very carefully. Apologizing once or twice is ok. Sending fifty texts saying you are sorry over and over again is not. 1 phone call after 7 days of no contact is ok. 7 phone calls in 5 minutes because your ex won’t answer is not.
With that in mind, here are 4 things to say to your ex to get them back…
- “I’m truly sorry, (their name). I shouldn’t have hurt you.” (Say this just once, then let it be. Don’t keep apologizing repeatedly.
- “I was wrong.” (Keep it simple. Don’t over-explain. Don’t make excuses. You were wrong. That’s it.)
- “Anybody would be lucky to have you. I really messed up.”
- “You deserve better.” (If you really messed up, they probably do deserve better. But admitting it and being willing to accept it if they decide to move on can actually make them more likely to give you another chance.)
These 4 lines can help you get your ex back, but they won’t fix everything on their own. They need to be used in the right way at the right time. Knowing what to say to an ex you want back isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be downright stressful.
Luckily, there are some really good guides out there that can help you each step of the way. Which ones work? Which ones give you the best chance of getting your ex back? This one is definitely my favorite!